she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
