I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
