Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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