mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
