it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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