I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The uberlube is also flammable
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
