I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize