You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
