Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
