i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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