i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
