i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
