I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
