Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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