drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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