I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
