keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
