At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
