I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
