There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
