If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
