Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
