i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
