i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
