there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
