I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
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