I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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