I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
