I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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