I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I don't think brook has ever known best
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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