You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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