they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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