my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
