I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
