All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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