Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
