Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
