oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Randomize
