Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
