If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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