And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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