Whod you bang
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
