my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I touched a dick in church today
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
