dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Ladies don't puke and tell
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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