What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
