I cockslap morals
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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