To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
