During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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