Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
