the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
