i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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