I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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