One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
