Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
