She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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