While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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