so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
