remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
