yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
