where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
