apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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