Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
