I'm going to jail i love you
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
