he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
