Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
