I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
