I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
