I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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