At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
