just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
