just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
