Porn is love you can see.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
